Dear My Cheating Sister-N-Law:

Dear Marsha,
My sister in law cheated on my brother shortly after the birth of their first child. My brother and sister in law told me about the affair and said they were going to stay together and work through their problems. When they told me the news of the affair I acted calm and agreed it was for the best that they wanted to repair their marriage, but since the news I have deeply resented my sister in law and I find it extremely difficult to be around her without wanting to wring her neck. I have never let on to my brother or sister in law how I truly feel because I want to freely visit my niece and nephew but at the same time I can’t be the friend to my sister in law that I was prior to knowing about the affair. I just can’t get out of my mind that my sister in law is the type of person who goes for the jugular- she purposely set out to hurt my brother… is love and she threw it away for a cheap one time only fling?!?!? What if he (my brother) chose to not forgive her? She would of ended a marriage and all that they had built for a few minutes of pleasure….while my brother is slaving away at work. Please help I do not want to be a bitter person and this is definitely weighing on my conscience.
My Cheating Sister-N-Law
Dear My Cheating Sister-N-Law:
If your own brother has forgiven her, then you need to do the same. Your brother has chosen to work through their problems, taking the good with the bad. You nor I know what was going on in their marriage to make the sister-n-law feel the urge to pursue someone else. I am not insinuating that your brother had done anything wrong within the marriage at all. I am just saying that it is not our place to judge anyone. We will never be able to walk in their shoes and see things from their exact point of view, so their is no reason to dwell upon this issue… not even mentally.
What ever the reason was, it was not significant enough for your brother to give up their love and marriage, so therefore you should not give up on her or deny her your friendship.
Would you remain close to your brother if he were the one to have been unfaithful or would you have just brushed it off because he is your brother?


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2 comments for “Dear My Cheating Sister-N-Law:

  1. Kay
    May 19, 2014 at 1:34 AM

    I agree with Marsha that you should forgive your sister-in-law. Whatever conflicts that may exist in your brother’s marriage are between him and his wife, and that’s between them to resolve however they choose. That being said, I don’t think that means you have to be friends with her. You can be polite and cordial at holidays and family get-togethers, but beyond any family events, you needn’t have anything to do with her. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, there’s no reason to create any more drama or hurt your brother or his children, but there’s no rule that says you have to be friends with your in-laws. You just have to be polite.

  2. J
    November 18, 2014 at 6:12 PM

    Also- if it was shortly after the birth of their first child, it is very likely that the sister-in-law was dealing with some serious postpartum issues. My husband and I have a very strong marriage. However, after the birth of our first child, I was not sure we would make it. It was, by far, the hardest time in our lives as a married couple. Neither of us did anything “wrong”, it was just a stressful, horrible time. Not everyone deals with the same problems after a birth, but many women do.

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