Mr. Lighthouse

lighthouse-with-houseHey Marsha,

I am experiencing a situation that I never expected to be in. I met a woman 5 months ago. She is sweet, loving and caring and over this period of time we have both fallen in love with each other. I live in another town 2 hours away so we see each other rarely in person so the phone and computer are our main means of contact. We talk every day. The problem is that she is married but in a failing marriage. They are like 2 ships in the night with him working nights and her days. The love is gone between them. She claims that a divorce is coming but nothing concrete so far. I am on the outside looking in trying not to be to much of a factor in her decision but know that I am a piece of the puzzle. What do you think I should do, and where do I go from here. I want her to be happy what ever choice she makes. Any advice that you may have might help me in choosing the right path for me and her.

Mr. Lighthouse

Dear Mr. Lighthouse,

Yes, I can see that you are in a dilemma.  You are indeed that of a lighthouse. You are her beacon of light that is shining upon the dark and vast ocean of a failing love and marriage.

I am certain there are other reasons that their marriage is failing other than the fact that they work separate shifts.  What ever the reasons are, they were enough to make her seek another companion to speak with.

Some may say that if you were not in the picture at all, then perhaps she would try to work things out within her marriage. I am not going to say this is absolutely true. If she was willing to open up to you about her marriage, then more than likely she is going to be just as willing to do so with another.  There is also the possibility she is simply playing on your emotions. What ever the case may be, once love is gone, it would take dedication and determination from both parties to rekindle the love they once had. By her communicating and even meeting with you, she has shown she is no longer willing to try. Perhaps she has already tried and failed, I am uncertain as I only have what little you told me to go by.

I would advice you to keep your distance from her.  She is indeed a married woman, and marriages are supposed to be sacred.  These verses in the Bible come to mind:

Mark 10:9 of the King James Version says –

What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Matthew 19:6 of the King James Version says –

Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

How would you feel if you were her husband, and she was having an affair with someone else?

You show strength by saying you want her to be happy no matter what she chooses.  If you mean this then try not to influence her decision by continuing to be a part of the equation, and allow time to take its course.

In the meantime try to get her off of your mind.  Love has a funny way of showing itself and you don’t want to pass up the opportunity of finding true love while you are hanging on to wishful thinking.


Always Marsha

2 comments for “Mr. Lighthouse

  1. Mr. Lighthouse
    June 28, 2009 at 4:13 PM

    Thank you for your words of wisdom. What you say has merit and I will think long and hard on what you have said. Many of what you have said I have already come to that realization but sometimes it just takes someone else to say the words to you for them to hit home. I will still remain in communication with her as I have to follow my heart and at this time it is pointing towards her. I know the situation is a poor one to be in but I can not turn my back on the possible chance for happiness with her. Time will be my judge. She has promised me that if her situation changes ( staying with the marriage) or her feelings for me change that she will let me know and not keep me dangling on hope. I trust her and pray that I will be standing next to her in the end. Thanks again for not judging me to harshly and thanks for the advice.


    Mr. Lighthouse

  2. Marsha
    June 30, 2009 at 10:06 PM

    Mr. Lighthouse,

    One passage struck me in your reply, that I thought I should add to.

    Please understand that God does not always answer prayers the way we think they should be answered. He has a plan in life for each of us.

    This just reminded me of the song “Unanswered Prayers” by Garth Brooks.

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