I am 14 years old, and I have a friend who is also 14 years old. We have some problems with borrowing money. I have never borrowed from him, but he has borrowed from me a fair amount. Certain things include a DVD, some candy, some sodas, thing like that. I remember one time (though it was a year or two ago) doing the math and finding out he owed me $10 then. Since then, I have loaned him $2 for 2 $1 bottles of pop. So, the total is $12. Maybe I should also mention, one of the times I loaned him a dollar was on my birthday.

He has not um… “gotten around” to paying me back yet, although he insists it is only $8. The DVD alone was $7, (and then include the other things) and I know he hasn’t payed me back yet.

I am absolutely, positively, 100% sure that it was $10 a year or two ago because like I said, I did the math (Recently, I scored literally the highest in my grade on a math test, so I don’t think a mathematical mistake is the problem) And then add the $2 since then. What can I do to get what he really owes me without being too rude? (Unfortunately, he is rather hot-headed, so if it comes to that, I may have no choice but to be slightly rude) Finally, one thing I don’t want to do is convince him to let me borrow money and then keep it as payback.

Please help!

Money Problems

Dear Money Problems,

At least your friend acknowledges that he does indeed “Owe” you money. It may not be the number you came up with, but it is a higher number than the $2.00 you just recently lent to him.

I think that with his past amounts not being paid back to you from two years ago or so, then there could be other issues. Perhaps he is not as financially able to afford these small things as you and your family may be. Or maybe he doesn’t yet know the value of money.

If I were in your shoes, I would not expect the money back. I would probably look to other forms of repayment such as helping you clean out your garage, or ask him to tag along with you somewhere that you may really not wish to go to alone such as a wedding or family reunion. You may have a better chance of getting your money’s worth in that direction.

In the meantime, you do not have to loan him any more money or items unless what you are loaning him you will not expect back. It would be better to give him items instead of hovering a price tag over his head for years.

Always,

Marsha

I am sitting here wondering how you could give such great marriage counseling to people when you yourself have been married more than once and had 4 children from at least three different men maybe four and are married to another man that doesnt father any of your children. I guess you could say you have been around the block a few times!!

Hmmmm What do you do if say an accidental pregnancy happens and the mother of the child does not contact the father of the child for say 15 years? And then when she is hurting for money she decides to take that childs father to court and sue him after all these years. I dont think that it is quite fair to leave the father out of the picture for all these years and miss his child grow up and then when the mother is hard press sue him for support once the child is pretty much grown. I think that mother should get a real job to begin with and then maybe a second job to support her child since she never wanted the father in the picture to begin with!!!

Dear Angela,

Thank you for viewing my site and thinking that I have been giving great advice.  Seeing as to how I am not certain as to who you are, or why you are passing judgment on me…allow me to give you a little deeper insight to my life.

You are correct, I have been married 2 previous times. I have 4 children all by 3 different fathers. However, what you do not know is that I was in fact married at the age of 17 before having my first 2 children.  This man became very physically abusive toward not only myself but to the children as well and arrested several times for it.  I soon found courage and escaped that relationship.  He still does not have contact with his children and they do not acknowledge him as “dad” either.  Since then, he has had 2 other failed marriages due to abuse…was it wrong to leave this situation?  I THINK NOT!

My third child was by a man that I had a 3 or 4 month fling with. When he found out I was pregnant, he left the picture quickly.  He did however inform me of his sisters name, and I had that address where his mother and sister lived.  He was a truck driver and probably always on the road, but that was no excuse to never reply to all the letters and photos I had sent the family.  I did try to involve him, but he would say that he was not the father.  I had even wrote him one day telling him that my ex and I had a DNA test done that proved my ex was NOT the father.  I requested this man at this point…nearly 4 years later…to send appropriate paperwork relinquishing his rights as father so that this child could be adopted by another man that would gladly take over the “Dad” role…but this as well as all other letters went unheeded.

I then married a young man that was a friend of my step brothers.  We did have my 4th child at this time.  We were married for 10 years before he decided he wanted to see what else was out there.

I was working as an EMT at 2 full time stations.  I was even Lieutenant at one station.  This was the best job in the world.  I have made so many friends in the medical field here and have gained a great name for my family and I.  I was even taking the paramedic classes to move on up.  I was offered a position as a flight medic once I graduated.  Sadly, that day never came for me.  As I was working an accident on the highway of a tractor trailer that jack knifed…I was the most injured patient taken to the hospital. I told my partner that I was not feeling well…they checked my heart rate and it was 180 bpm or beats per minute.  Once I was at the hospital, they noticed my heart at resting was going down to the 50s.  This is when I was sent to a cardiologist who performed many tests and observations of me.  It turns out that I have Sick Sinus Syndrome.  If you are not familiar with this…it is when the heart will beat too slow one minute then just jump sky high the next minute for no apparent reason but all awhile maintaining a healthy heart pattern.

Within one month from this accident, I had to have a pacemaker put in.  I was only 30 years old.  Even with the pacemaker, I was still having heart palpitations and not feeling “normal”.  Despite the pacemaker, I attempted to go back to work.  I worked for a year and a half longer before my next BIG episode happened.  This is when I was once again taken to the hospital by my co workers in MY ambulance and they decided I had to be taken off of work period.  My cardiologist was there and agreed it was too much stress for me.

This of course forced me to have to file for disability.  As anyone would know, it takes a great while before the disability is approved.

During this time, I had met a really great man.  He lived in Australia, and we met online actually.  We talked for nearly a year before he decided to come visit.  I had gotten to know his parents, friends, and other family before making the decision to meet.  On my 33rd birthday he showed up at the airport.  That was the best gift I could ever have.  We were wed shortly after that, and it has been such a great move on my behalf.  This is when I experienced TRUE LOVE for the first time in my life.  I know now what it is and am happy to share it with others.  My children love him and call him dad.  Even my 3rd son, that never knew his father…loves this man so much that he himself chose to have his name changed to my husbands last name.  Seeing as to how his father NEVER once wrote back to relinquish his fatherly rights…we could not do a formal adoption. This was the first choice of my husbands wishes…but things happen.  Seeing as to how I had never received a letter back from the 3rd sons biological father, we had no idea of his residency or how to locate him.  With this being noted in court, they allowed the legal name change.

I then began drawing my disability checks.  Once I started receiving the checks, I was forced by the courts to turn over child support payment history.  When I was questioned about my 3rd sons father, ALL I had was a name, an old address, his sisters name, and his fathers name.  I did tell them about the school he went to for his cdl’s…but that is all I knew.  I never thought that they would find this man…but it was not in my hands.

I was really saddened when they did find this man, and we both know who we are talking about.  I never had even discussed with his son about his father until this moment when I knew we had to go to court.  I did not want my boy thinking his dad left just because I was pregnant with him.  That would be a blow to any ones head.  His dad was a loser in my book and is still a loser in my boys book for doing such a thing.  He can not say he didn’t ever know he had a son, because during the child support court case, I was questioned through HIS attorney about this child being adopted and I had allegedly made mention that another man was going to or wanting to adopt him…Hmmm…that must have came from all those letter I sent and he never replied too huh?

Trust me, if I were able to work…I WOULD!  This was not done out of spite or any ill intentions.  I was forced to go through with this in order for me to draw my disability.

Now you asked how I gave such great advice…Well I think that answer is rather clear.  It took me 33 years to find the perfect man, and after dealing with losers like this all of my life…I think that makes me MORE than qualified. I have never been a floosy, but life has taken me to several “blocks” as you said.  Does this make me a bad person? I think not. I have learned some very valuable life lessons along the way.

I also give thanks to God for all the blessing he has put in my life. He is the one that should get all the glory. Without him, Who knows where I would be.

Now that you have my address…you can write if you so choose.  I am sorry you have such hard feelings against me.  I have never wronged you or your husband for that matter.  It sometimes helps to get the truth before bashing on something you know nothing of.  His sister, (and we know the similarities between our names), had told me that he did in fact see the baby pictures and knew of the letters as well…so don’t be fooled if he is saying different.

I am glad this could come out in the open. We were actually wondering if and when we would hear from you guys.  I know that you have a 13 year old son , and that your husband, or my ex was in the national guard. That only came out after they found you all in the state you now live in.  Have you discussed with your son that he does have a 1/2 brother in a neighboring state?

I want you to be happy, just as we are.  There is no reason for any hostility or angry tones to anyone.  Sarcasm is dangerous…Please do not post anything else that is deragatory on my site.

Always,

Marsha

Why would we need to start collecting items 2 months in advance that we are going to be selling in the yard sale?

Time Saver

Dear Time Saver,

You want to collect items as early as possible for various reasons.  2 months in some cases would not be enough time to be fully prepared.

First, you want to make sure you clean your items.  A clean item shows you care about your belongings and what you sell to others.  No one really wants to buy a dirty item unless it falls under the antique category.

Second, if you are selling clothing, it may take 2 months or longer to go through all of your belongings to find the ones that no longer fit, or you no longer wish to wear.  Having them laundered gives them a nice clean scent versus the smell from sitting in your closet or being boxed away.

Third, you are always going to be going through the house on your daily routines and come across something that could be sold.  With the thought of an upcoming yard sale on your mind, you will be more than likely to think of items that could bring you in that additional cash.

Fourth, you need to be organized.  Once you start to gather your items to sell, draw or write out a plan of how you would like the yard/garage sale to look.  Make sure everything is laid out nice and neat.  You do not want anything laying around for anyone to trip over.  Try to make the best out of the allowed space you have.  Don’t be afraid to utilize the front and side of your yard, or space outside of your garage as well.

Lastly, you never want to feel pressured for time.  This leaves too much room for errors.  Giving yourself time to do something will make an all around smoother transition into a successful yard sale.

Always,

Marsha

Thanks A Lot,

The Troubled PaintBaller

Dear Troubled PaintBaller,

You did not mention your age, so I have to assume that you are not old enough to be hired at a regular paying job. I think you are on the right track of doing odd jobs for your father at the Hotel he owns. I feel that your desire to earn your own money instead of using your fathers is very admirable and shows responsibility.

My suggestions would be if you have to walk your dog 3 times a day, then why not see if you can walk other dogs at the same time?  I’m not sure if your fathers hotel allows for pets, but if so, this could be a great job. If not, then you can always make a few posters to hang in near by shops or at the hotel itself to advertise your services.

There is also the option of delivering newspapers. I believe you would be old enough to do that.

I am not sure about the age limits, but I have heard that teens can also be hired to deliver milk.

You could try mowing others lawns too, or picking up sticks or clutter.

Just decide what you are willing to do, what jobs are accessible for you to do, how you would go about completing the job, and how much you wish to earn from each job. Then make your posters or ask around, and you will be on your way to earning extra cash.

Good luck in your paintball adventures.

Always,

Marsha

I am writing because my wife has been spending too much money recently on things that we do not need. I was wondering how I could politely yet stearnly let her know that her senseless spending is causing us financial issues that is  very stressful to me.  Trying to figure out where all the money goes each month, and how I am going to pay our bills, or what bill doesn’t get paid this month is really hard. Yet I appreciate what she does for me and wants to allow her some money to spend as she pleases, just not as much.

Sincerely,

Penny Pincher

Dear Penny Pincher,

It is true that financial situations can be difficult, and it seems that they are only getting worse for most people.  I have been so saddened by the fact that many are losing their homes due to jobs closing or relocating.  It is sad times we are in.

If her spending is causing financial stress, then it is important that you involve her in the paying of bills.  Try making out a budget.  I do this every month for my household and it most usually always works.

Start with putting your total monthly income in the right hand corner of a piece of paper.  Then start listing the bills for each month down the left hand side. Out from each bill, place how much the monthly average cost is.  If you pay certain bills annually or bi annually, then be sure to allocate the amount each would come to if paid monthly.  Tally up those figures, and write the total cost of living.  Remember to add things such as car repair/maintanence, doctor visits, or anything unexpected that usually comes up within a year.

Now subtract your monthly cost of living from your total monthly income.  This is the money that is left over each month.  If you wish to put some money into a savings account, then now is the time to subtract it.

Be certain to share this information with your wife.  This should give her some idea of how much she can spend each month or week on items that she desires.  Explain to her that you are only showing her this because you feel your finances are being hindered by her spending.  Show her that you are not trying to take away ALL spending, and you want her to have some personal cash, but it just has to be limited at this time.  Adding the words “I love you”  should help the conversation run smoothly. Sometimes when we see things in Black and White, it makes us understand it much better.

Always,

Marsha