Dear Marsha,

The thing is I’m not sure about that,for all I know,I can be wrong and just thinking too much but….they weren’t like that before.I will be confronting my big brother soon about this cause I know he’s depressed ever since his ex broke up with him and I’m afraid he has become more depressed than ever because there is this possibility that they are going out or one of them might have feelings for each other.

Regards,

It really touches my heart to know you are such a loving and caring sister and that your brother means so much to you.

It used to be a rule of thumb that a friend does not date a friend’s ex. This rule was general knowledge simply because of the feelings that were involved. Unfortunately incidents like these happen all the time.

I would question if your brothers friend was really a true friend or not. If he were a true friend, then he would have known how much your brother cared for his ex. He would have not even thought of dating this girl because he would have put his friendship with your brother first. It would not have mattered who broke up with whom or the reasons either.

I think that the first thing I would do is to let things drop. Try not to mention anything to your brother about his ex. Instead, try getting his mind off of things. Take him along with you to any outings you and your friends may have, or involve him in something different all together that has nothing to do with either his ex or his so called friend.

The only thing that can heal a broken heart and/or a broken friendship is time.

Always,

This adorable male kitty was actually found at our local IGA store.

He was abandoned, and I, being the Ellie May that I am, just didn’t

have the heart to leave him there.  He has been a very good cat.

He demands attention, and makes sure he gets it too.

Photo Taken By:

Always Marsha

Dear Marsha,

I am having trouble defining the difference between Love and Lust. My family tells me that I fall for every guy that comes my way. I tell them that I love each man differently, but I love them. When they ask me what it is about him/them that I love, I don’t really have much to say. They then tell me that it isn’t love, it is more of a lust. Yes I do have relations with them, but that isn’t what makes me love them. I will usually date them for a year or so, then for one reason or another, we split up.

How can I tell if I really Love these guys and try to make relationships work, or do I only have a Lusting desire for them. What can I look for to let me know the difference.

Lustful Love

Dear Lustful Love,

I am going to start by giving you the basic definitions of both terms as defined in the Merriam Dictionary Online.

LOVE:

• Function: noun
• Etymology: Middle English, from Old English lufu; akin to Old High German luba love, Old English lēof dear, Latin lubēre, libēre to please
• Date: before 12th century

1 a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties <maternal love for a child> (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates> b : an assurance of love <give her my love>
2 : warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion <love of the sea>
3 a : the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration <baseball was his first love> b (1) : a beloved person : darling —often used as a term of endearment (2) British —used as an informal term of address
4 a : unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: as (1) : the fatherly concern of God for humankind (2) : brotherly concern for others b : a person’s adoration of God
5 : a god or personification of love
6 : an amorous episode : love affair
7 : the sexual embrace : copulation or making Love
8 : a score of zero (as in tennis)
9 capitalized Christian Science : god

— at love : holding one’s opponent scoreless in tennis

— in love : inspired by affection

LUST:

• Function: noun
• Etymology: Middle English, from Old English; akin to Old High German lust pleasure and perhaps to Latin lascivus wanton
• Date: before 12th century

1 obsolete a : pleasure, delight b : personal inclination : wish
2 : usu. intense or unbridled sexual desire : lasciviousness
3 a : an intense longing : craving <a lust to succeed> b : enthusiasm, eagerness <admired his lust for life>

From these definitions we can see that both Love and Lust have a desire for Sex.  However, Lust carries more of a sexually driven desire and in Love your sexual desire comes from your admiration, caring, and devotion to your partner.

When you truly Love someone, you will carry most all of the traits defined in the above definition for your partner.  You will admire them, you will devote your time and heart to them, you will put them first in your life, you will adore them and be very unselfish with them, you will always have their best of interest at heart.  The one you love will be your friend, you will always want to be around them even if sex is not involved, just to cuddle with, or talk to them as you would your best friend with many common interests.  This person is the only person you see yourself with for the remainder of your life.  You will remain faithful and true to them in every aspect.  You feel as if life could or would not go on without them.

If it is Lust, you will find that you crave sex more than their friendship.  You are more concerned about getting them to bed or undressed more so then the tenderness and affection.  If sex is the only thing you can agree on, then it is probably Lust.  If you find yourself comparing one partner to the next partners sexual abilities, then more than likely it is LUST and not LOVE.

I would suggest you take time in building your next relationship.  You should want your lover to be your best friend, and to make certain you are both able to communicate well with one another. You should enjoy the company of each other, and sex is not a driven factor of your desire to be with him.  It is important that you both share common values, morals, and goals in life.  If you love someone, you should have no troubles sharing with the world “why” you love them.

Always,

Marsha