Dear Marsha,

What is a Love Life?

Dear Questioner of Love Life,

In most general terms, a love life would be what one would use to describe their affectionate affairs with a partner or partners.  Some would say that a love life must consist of sexual encounters, but I beg to differ.  I think that if one is happy in life, then they can have a love life without having to have sex.

I also feel that a love life can consist of more than just affectionate affairs with a partner.  Some choose not to ever date or to be married because they are so consumed with something else that makes them happy.  Eg. Religion, job, career, hobby, etc..  These persons take pride and find complete happiness and love in what they do on a day to day basis.

Some men or women may find that they are content with being single.  Perhaps they have once already loved someone at some point, and still hang on to them through memories, and choose not to move on to another spouse/partner; or perhaps they feel dating/marriage is simply not for them, and wish to remain single, yet content.  I know a few single people that say their love life consists of being with their family, taking care of their pets, or traveling to photograph the world.

I find that whatever makes you happy, and if you love being a part of it, then that is your love life.  Your Love Life can be considered what you love about your life.

Always,

Marsha

Dear Marsha,

I am having trouble defining the difference between Love and Lust. My family tells me that I fall for every guy that comes my way. I tell them that I love each man differently, but I love them. When they ask me what it is about him/them that I love, I don’t really have much to say. They then tell me that it isn’t love, it is more of a lust. Yes I do have relations with them, but that isn’t what makes me love them. I will usually date them for a year or so, then for one reason or another, we split up.

How can I tell if I really Love these guys and try to make relationships work, or do I only have a Lusting desire for them. What can I look for to let me know the difference.

Lustful Love

Dear Lustful Love,

I am going to start by giving you the basic definitions of both terms as defined in the Merriam Dictionary Online.

LOVE:

• Function: noun
• Etymology: Middle English, from Old English lufu; akin to Old High German luba love, Old English lēof dear, Latin lubēre, libēre to please
• Date: before 12th century

1 a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties <maternal love for a child> (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates> b : an assurance of love <give her my love>
2 : warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion <love of the sea>
3 a : the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration <baseball was his first love> b (1) : a beloved person : darling —often used as a term of endearment (2) British —used as an informal term of address
4 a : unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: as (1) : the fatherly concern of God for humankind (2) : brotherly concern for others b : a person’s adoration of God
5 : a god or personification of love
6 : an amorous episode : love affair
7 : the sexual embrace : copulation or making Love
8 : a score of zero (as in tennis)
9 capitalized Christian Science : god

— at love : holding one’s opponent scoreless in tennis

— in love : inspired by affection

LUST:

• Function: noun
• Etymology: Middle English, from Old English; akin to Old High German lust pleasure and perhaps to Latin lascivus wanton
• Date: before 12th century

1 obsolete a : pleasure, delight b : personal inclination : wish
2 : usu. intense or unbridled sexual desire : lasciviousness
3 a : an intense longing : craving <a lust to succeed> b : enthusiasm, eagerness <admired his lust for life>

From these definitions we can see that both Love and Lust have a desire for Sex.  However, Lust carries more of a sexually driven desire and in Love your sexual desire comes from your admiration, caring, and devotion to your partner.

When you truly Love someone, you will carry most all of the traits defined in the above definition for your partner.  You will admire them, you will devote your time and heart to them, you will put them first in your life, you will adore them and be very unselfish with them, you will always have their best of interest at heart.  The one you love will be your friend, you will always want to be around them even if sex is not involved, just to cuddle with, or talk to them as you would your best friend with many common interests.  This person is the only person you see yourself with for the remainder of your life.  You will remain faithful and true to them in every aspect.  You feel as if life could or would not go on without them.

If it is Lust, you will find that you crave sex more than their friendship.  You are more concerned about getting them to bed or undressed more so then the tenderness and affection.  If sex is the only thing you can agree on, then it is probably Lust.  If you find yourself comparing one partner to the next partners sexual abilities, then more than likely it is LUST and not LOVE.

I would suggest you take time in building your next relationship.  You should want your lover to be your best friend, and to make certain you are both able to communicate well with one another. You should enjoy the company of each other, and sex is not a driven factor of your desire to be with him.  It is important that you both share common values, morals, and goals in life.  If you love someone, you should have no troubles sharing with the world “why” you love them.

Always,

Marsha

My wife says I am not romantic.  What is romantic? I have taken her out to eat at nice restaurants, and I tell her daily that I love her, but I am still not considered romantic.

Please Help,

Hopeless Romantic

Dear Hopeless Romantic,

There is indeed  hope for your romance.  Romance by definition includes: Displaying or expressing Love or Strong Affection, Ardent, Passionate, and Fervent.

In the fast paced world we live in today, it can be difficult to always be romantic. With some help, you will find what you need to be considered romantic, and hopefully put it to use 3 or 4 times a month.

A few suggestions could be:

Bring her home flowers just because you saw them and thought of her.

Leave her little love notes in her brief case or on the refrigerator door for her to find later in the day.

Light a few candles before dinner with some low mood music going on in the background.

Cuddle with her while watching a movie of her choice, and stroke her hair or rub her arm while laying there together.

PDA or Public Display of Affection is great as well. Don’t be afraid to hold her hand or give her a little kiss while out in public. This shows that you are not afraid to let the world know you love her.

Plan a picnic with her. You prepare all the food, and take her somewhere with nice scenery, lay out the blanket, and treat her really special for the day. While drinking your wine or soda, wrap your arms around one another as you see in movies.

There are so many ways that one could be a little romantic.  It would be impossible to list all the things you could do to try. Girls consider things that make them go “Ahhh” “Isn’t that cute” or “Isn’t that sweet” to be romantic.

I will warn you of a few ideas that are NOT romantic. Sports, hunting, fishing, appliances, tools, Action Adventure movies, Passing gas, or talking about the size of your growth are all no no’s in the romance department.

I came across a really good site that explains romance in a funny yet sensable way by Samuel Stoddard. Please check it out and I am sure it will give you a more in depth insight on Romance.

http://www.rinkworks.com/romantic/

I really hope this all helps you to understand what a woman means when she asks you to be a little romantic.

Always,

Marsha