Dear AlwaysMarsha…

I’m 14 and starting to hit that age when I think about well sex… I don’t intend on starting until the legal age of 16, but I’m worrying about it now…

I’m just worried that I do something wrong with her… or I say something wrong… I don’t want to mess things up… I’m worried about asking a girl and that sort of thing.

I know its an awkward question and a short one, but I really need some help.

Regards,

Teenage Worries

Dear Teenage Worries,

Please know that to have sex or to make love is a very strong commitment  to your partner and should not ever be taken lightly.  Sex is to be shared between 2 people that truly love one another and as the Bible teaches, that are Wed or married to one another.

Just because 16 may be considered a consenting age to have sex, does not mean that you have to have, or even should have sex at that age.  Sex should not be looked upon as an experiment to see if you like it or not, nor should it be thought of as something you must do with every girlfriend that comes and goes.  There are many cons to having sex, especially at a young age.

Teen sex can be physically and mentally harmful.  Let us say for a moment that you did find the girl that you thought you loved and you chose to give yourself to her.  What would happen if you find out that they have given you an STD or Sexually Transmitted Disease?  How would you feel if your partner became pregnant?  What would you do if this person broke up with you after you gave your virginity to them?  All of the above questions could cause a form of mental depression and or physical impairments.

Abstinence is an honorable way of saving yourself for the one special gal that you choose to be with for the rest of your life.  Once you give yourself away, you can never get it back.  More and more teens in todays society are choosing to remain abstinent.

There are many great websites that offer more detailed information about why you should remain abstinent and offer ways of being intimate without having sex.  I think you should read the following link about todays teen sex statistics.

http://www.heritage.org/research/abstinence/bg1533.cfm

If I were you, I would worry about how my girlfriend would think of me if I did try to have sex with her instead of appreciating and respecting her.  I would want to take my time in building the relationship to make it as strong as possible without the sex. Lasting relationships derive from solid friendships.

If you choose not to be abstinent and to go on with sexual relations, then when the time comes, you will know it.  There is not a guide of “How To’s” or “When to’s” to follow.  It will be natural, it will be mutually consensual, and it will be filled with love and respect toward your partner.

Always,

Marsha

]]> http://alwaysmarsha.com/2010/03/02/gone-country/feed/ 0 http://alwaysmarsha.com/2010/03/02/todays-photo-molly-moo-cow/ http://alwaysmarsha.com/2010/03/02/todays-photo-molly-moo-cow/#comments Tue, 02 Mar 2010 18:36:38 +0000 Marsha http://alwaysmarsha.com/?p=861

Miss Molly Moo Cow seems to have been digging

in the mud with her snout.

Photograph taken by:

Z. Howard

Marsha,

About a year or so ago, my husband of over 25 years met a woman (we’ll call her, Jackie, not her real name) online at a game/chat website. She is 11 years younger than him and has told him she is having 3 longterm affairs while currently married for 14 years. He played several games with her. Then they started exchanging emails, then instant messages. He would spend hours messaging her online while I was waiting for him to come to bed. I was uneasy about this friendship but believed and trusted my husband that this was all there was to it, friendship. Then they were calling each other and texting. He even texted her “Wish you were here” when we were on a date. I was mortified to find a 2 hour cell phone call in the middle of his work morning. I then checked his emails and found several that were XXX rated from her. I know some people may feel this was an invasion of his privacy but we have always been open to reading each others mail and going through wallets, if necessary.

I confronted him and he still claimed she was a “Good friend”. I was so furious that I told him to choose between us. He said he wouldn’t give her up. After several hours of reasoning with myself, I decided not to give up on us but drive her out of our relationship. I worked very hard to try to act like I did when we were 20 years old. It was horrid. I was wondering if & when he was talking to her. I wondered if he was thinking about her when we were intimate. I tried to explain my feelings to him so he would understand how hurt and devastated I was. He deleted her emails. Then he stopped calling her and texting. She tried to contact me to let the relationship continue. Then he said he had blocked her from instant messaging and emailing him.

So all should have been well with the world. But then he lost his job and has been home for quite a while looking for work online. He has told me that he hasn’t been in touch with her, but I have discovered that he has added her back into his email and messaging contacts, and I have seen a couple new emails. He has special terms of endearment for her and told her to “know that you are constantly on my mind.” I see this as an emotional affair, he does not agree. What can I do? What should I do? This is the first time in our marriage that he seems more interested in another woman than with me. He professes his love for me, then talks (or more) to her on the side…

Devastated

Dear Devastated,

The first entry in the dictionary defines FRIEND as:

1 a : one attached to another by affection or esteem.

Your husband could be telling the truth when he says that he and “Jackie” were/are friends, but are they strictly platonic friends is the question at hand.  I could have bought that your husband and “Jackie” were Platonic friends if both parties kept their conversations open and not so confidential.

“Jackie” obviously stimulates your husband mentally &/or physically.  I do not feel that sending someone xxx photos is within the realm of a platonic friendship.  There must be some sort of attraction between them for him to refuse to give up contact and or relations with her online.

In order to best help you with you current situation, I feel that I should simply lay out the options along with the possibilities &/or consequences of each option, and allow you to make the choice that you are willing to accept and live with.

You have made valid effort in almost every aspect to salvage your marriage.  You have spoke to him from your heart, you have given him an ultimatum, you have sacrificed your comfort and trust, you have even tried to relive your youth thinking that was a possibility for your husbands stray-ward actions:  Yet none of these have worked 100% or he outright brushed you and the marriage off as his main priority.

25 years of marriage is a very long time.  It would be a difficult decision to end such a covenant as marriage.  If you choose to continue to push and fight in order to salvage what you have built, then let us start with prayer.  Asking God to guide you and to help take this matter into his hands could benefit you more than any other option.

By choosing to stay with your husband, then you are accepting his female friend and their friendship for what it is no matter the case.  This may cause even more hurt feelings for you as time goes by, but you could always try to be as persistent as possible in trying to get to know “Jackie” through your husband by asking numerous questions.  Maybe this would give you an idea of what it is about her that intrigues him so much, and maybe allow you to see what you could further work on in order to regain his interest for yourself.  Your questions could also make him feel guilt if there was anything to be ashamed of.

There is always professional marriage counseling that you could suggest attending with your husband.  If he refuses to go, and you have it in your heart to keep trying to make the best of your marriage, then you could also seek counseling yourself, alone.  Some people do not think they can afford this route financially, but there are places out there that have payment options, or are offered free such as church counselors.

If you find that you are tired of the lack of interest and lack of understanding   your husband has displayed toward your feelings and emotions deriving from this new friendship of his, then perhaps a separation could be another option.  By having or asking him to leave the house during this separation, he could feel what it would be like to be without you, and what it is he is missing if he chooses to pursue his friendship with “Jackie”. You must be aware though that not always do we get what we want or what we were trying for.  He may find that through the separation he is free to do as he chooses and strays even further.  Before choosing a separation or a divorce, be certain that you are through and can not take any more.

I personally feel that this “Jackie” suffers of very low self esteem.  If  she is married herself, and has confessed of having other online affairs, then she is probably just a girl that gets her kicks off of being someone online that she wishes she was in person.  I doubt seriously that “Jackie” is sincere about your husbands affection and endearments.  At some point, your husband will more than likely see this and realize that there is no hope in pursuing the current friendship any further because it is a dead end street. At this point, I hope he treasures what he has had in you all along and never strays again.

It can be healthy for married couples to have friends of opposite sexes, but where is the line drawn between friendship and something more such as an affair?  I would suggest that you look deep into your heart and figure out the extent of the lengths in which you are willing to go in order to save this marriage.  Are you willing to jeopardize self happiness for any given length of time in hopes of  regaining your husbands full respect?

Always,

Marsha

Dear Marsha,

2 Years ago,  my ex and I parted ways.  It was tough, but we both went on with our separate lives.  2 weeks ago we bumped into each other at a pet store. He asked for my cell number and I gave it to him thinking it wouldn’t be anything more than just catching up. We talked at this store for what seemed like an hour or longer. We seemed to just pick up from where we left off as if nothing ever happened between us.

My family and friends think I am crazy for giving him my number and wanting to regain connections. They tell me that he is of my past and I should let him go.  On the other hand they say it is my choice and I have to be the one to make decisions for myself.  Why are they so contradicting? Why do they care who I talk to?

Must Closed Doors Be Locked?

Dear Must Closed Doors Be Locked,

The most common saying that comes to mind is “An Ex Is An Ex For A Reason”

Without knowing the circumstances that caused the two of you to part ways 2 years ago, I would have to say that your family is simply giving you their advice because they care about your feelings and do not wish for you to get hurt or tangled into a situation that they feel you may not be happy in.  They may sound contradicting at times because they know ultimately it is your decision no matter what their personal thoughts and/or feelings may be.  They try to coax you in a direction they see best, yet respecting you enough to make your own decisions.

If you are planning on keeping in touch with this man, then please know that to a man, as long as there is contact between the two of you, then he feels that he has a wedge to keep his foot in the door so to speak, or a chance of taking this further.

If you are comfortable with the possibility of  it going further you should first try to recap exactly what it was or why it was he became your “Ex” in the first place.  Write down every detail on a piece of paper along with a list of the pros or things you liked about this partner, and a list of cons or things you did not like about this partner.  If the pros out weigh the cons, and the cons were not detrimental to your emotional well being or physical well being, then it may be worth giving him another try if you are leaning toward that direction.

You have to be in total control of this situation right from the start.  If you are skeptical in any way, then perhaps leaving it at a friendship would be the best route to go.  If you do choose to pursue a relationship once again, you must be self prepared of the possibility that the same reasons  you split up the first time could cause you to split up again.  Are you ready to take those chances?

Always,

Marsha

This gorgeous snow covered church is the Holy Trinity Church, Startforth,

nestling peacefully amongst the snow powdered trees.

Located in:

Barnard Castle, Teesdale, County Durham, England.

Photo Courtesy Of:

The Hutch

If you have any questions concerning any of The Hutch’s photos,

Please contact him at:

Thehutch@alwaysmarsha.com

Dear Marsha,

For the past two months I have been getting a lotLOT of calls that when I answer the phone, the caller just sighs several times.  I really am not sure who this is, and they are obviously blocking their number because my caller id always shows unknown caller.  I usually will listen to them for a few minutes, and try getting them to talk to me, but then I hang up once I know they are not going to talk no matter how hard I try to get them to.  I have also had hang up calls on my answering machine.  A friend of mine said this could be dangerous and that I should call the police. I just think it is someone playing a prank on me.  What do you think of these sighing and seemingly scary calls?

Haunting Calls

Dear Haunting Calls,

I personally would like for you to contact your local phone company and get further instructions to trace this caller right away.

I agree that this could be a potentially scary and/or dangerous situation, and it is always best to play it safe instead of second guessing and perhaps one day being sorry for not doing something about it.

There are many sick people in this world.  It is very likely that someone is calling you on a regular basis to gain knowledge

of what times you are home, what times you are awake, etc.  He may be plotting this information to be a part of his future use.  The caller could be a stalker, wanting to know the times he could catch you at home alone, or he could be a thief wanting to know the times you are usually away from your home.  This caller could also be a pervert that just wants to hear a feminine voice, and if you keep trying to get him to talk to you, he could be sitting on the other end of the phone getting his kicks.  There are many possibilities.  We can not always assume it is someone playing an innocent joke on us.  Situations like this should be treated very seriously and with caution.

After calling the phone company, I would suggest that you make out a journal of what days and times you recall him calling you.  It would also help if you could remember if you have given him your name or any other personal information while trying to get him to talk to you.  You can also write down any additional information that you may think would help anyone to identify this person or their location such as noise you may have heard in the background in addition to his sighing.  (audible sirens, other voices, train, etc.)  This information could be more useful to the local authorities than you may think if the situation calls for it.

I am thankful that you took the time to write this question to me, for I feel it is of great importance for me to tell you to do  something about it fast.  Please, call the phone company now or as soon as they are open next.

Always,

Marsha

This beautiful snow covered church can be found in

Nova Scotia, Canada

Photo Courtesy Of:

A. Watson

I am a fairly thick 22 year old woman.. Not big but not little but built in the right places…  I have a problem though trying to keep this figure… It seems that my stomach always feels empty, ever since I was about 10 I’ve had this problem.  I could go to an all you can eat buffet and two hours later I’m hungry again.. some refer to me as the bottomless pit b/c I don’t gain or lose.  I’m wondering if this may also be relevant due to the fact that I am very energetic.  I’m really perky all the time and use a lot of energy and I was wondering if this may be why I am always hungry… burning calories and having to replace them…   What do you think?

Empty Stomach

Dear Empty Stomach,

First and Foremost, I am not a Doctor nor do I plan for my reply to replace medical knowledge in any way.

Having a high metabolism could be a possibility for the lack of weight gain and the feeling of hunger.  If you have a high metabolism, then chances are you are more active.

Some persons with a high metabolism will constantly be in motion from tapping a pencil on the table, or rocking their foot when in a resting position.  It seems as if they are unable to sit or stand completely motionless for any period of time.

You could also have hunger pangs shortly after you eat if you did not have a balanced meal.  For instance, if you eat a lot of carbohydrates, you may feel hungry again sooner than you would if you would have ate more proteins with your meal.

If you find that this is causing an issue with you being able to maintain your figure, or you are afraid of weight gain possibly catching up with you, then you may wish to cut your meals in half.  You could eat 6 smaller meals a day instead of 3 regular sized ones.  Make sure that your meals are well balanced following the food group pyramids. This should help by cutting out your urges for snacks throughout the day to curb your hunger.

If  you have had this issue since you were 10 years old, then I would surely try to seek professional medical advice before all other advice or opinions given.

Always,

Marsha

This cloud formation displays yet another example of

God’s Awesome Artwork.

Photo Courtesy Of:

P. J. Collins