I have an issue with respecting the people that I love the most. I seem to take out my frustrations on them, almost unconsciously. I don’t lash out at them, but more of just an arrogant, short, demeaning tone. This also includes mood changes toward them in certain circumstances and sometimes coming off defensive. I often believe that I do these things when I find myself uncomfortable in a situation. None the less, this isn’t a good characteristic to display, especially toward the ones you love the most. I’ve tried to pay attention to detail and notice when I’m doing it but for some reason I overlook it. Could you help me with some suggestions for things that I can do to resolve this. Thank you so much.

Nikki

Dear Nikki,

Sometimes we tend to act on an impulsive behavior rather than giving it a conscience thought.  Even as adults we sometimes need to discipline ourselves in different aspects of our lives that we know are incorrect or in the need of improvement.  There is nothing shameful in self discipline and we do it to strengthen us spiritually, physically, and/or mentally.

I would suggest tying a bold ribbon around your wrist every morning.  A constant reminder to show love and compassion rather than acting out impulsively.  You can find many colored ribbons and charms to use that will match your fashion decor of the day.  When ever you are around your loved ones, look at your bracelet and let it be a constant reminder as to why you are wearing it.

Another suggestion would be to use a money jar just as we have done for cursing or swearing.  When ever you find yourself saying something demeaning or negative, place a specified amount into the jar each time.  Sooner or later, your wallet is going to feel the pinch and it will hopefully cause you to be a little more alert.

If you have not already done so, talk to your family, friends, and loved ones about your issue.  Do something special for them, and let them know that they are loved and tell them that you do not wish to be like this toward them. I am sure that they will be more than willing to help you out in any way they can.

This is also something you may wish to discuss with your family Dr. about. Perhaps the stress is a little over bearing for you and he may know of something to aid in this behavior.

You have already made the biggest step of your healing process, and that is to recognize and admit you have a problem.  Now you must act upon correcting it.  Talk to God.  He can and will walk us through all of life’s difficult times.

Always,

Marsha

A row of Sail Boats in beautiful Sardinia.

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Philip Rickett

Dear Marsha,

For the past 4 months I’ve had the biggest crush I’ve ever had on one of my friends. A couple of months ago, I gathered up the courage I needed to tell him how I feel, but he replied that he only liked me as a friend. I’ve tried getting over it, but I just can’t, and it’s driving me crazy!! I keep wishing, hoping and praying that he’ll ask me out, even though I know that he won’t. I’ve thought about asking him out, and even come close to actually doing it a few times, but I’m scared, since he knows that I know that he doesn’t feel the same way about me. But at the same time, something is telling me that I won’t be able to get this out of my system unless I give it a shot. But considering it took me 4 hours of staring at my phone, saving drafts of text messages and cancelling sent ones just to tell him that I like him, I don’t think I have the courage to ask him out, even just as friends. What should I do??

-Loveless

Dear Loveless,

The most important thing right now is that you do not push yourself on him.  Most people that say they wish to be friends, mean that they do not have any feelings for you other than that of a sister/brother/or friendship kind of feeling.  Being too persistent may drive away that friendship feeling he currently has for you.

I am not going to say that this person will not ever change their mind and/or feelings toward you into something more, because that has happened in several relationships, but try not to get your hopes up for this.

A friendship is a great place to start a true and lasting relationship. Try to set your mind on the fact that this guy wishes to be your friend only. Then you can start doing things as friends, such as going to the mall, the theater, a local hang out, or even over to each others home for supper and a movie/swim, etc.

By spending time together, you are getting to know each other a lot more and that in return builds a stronger friendship. A friendship can last forever where boyfriends and girlfriends come and go.

Try not to be too disappointed though if he someday finds a girlfriend that he wants you to meet. Stay strong and happy for him. If they do not work out, it very well may be you that he comes to for comfort. Try to remain positive and not say bad things about the ex girlfriend. Try to always be his shoulder of support instead. One day he will see how much of a friend he has in you and how much love you have for him.

My last bit of advice is not to close other doors because of this guy either. If another guy shows interest in you, it may be worth giving him a try. If you push him away because of your feelings for this first guy, then maybe you will miss your chance at the true love you are seeking.

Always,

Marsha

Saint Marys, Church of England Barnard Castle

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The Hutch Photography

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We come to you today as a group effort in hopes of finding a prank or so that could aggravate a co-worker as much as he aggravates us daily. We do not wish for it to harm him physically in any way, nor do we wish to be destructive to his belongings…just something to annoy him.

Dave is a very uptight perfectionist.  He is very clean and tidy, nothing is ever out of place.  He carries an aura about him that is depressing for all of us.  We actually are happy if he calls off work, but that is very very rare I assure you.

Dave is in charge of reviewing all of our reports sent to him before approaching the board.  He will not even glance at these proposals if they are not correctly stapled on the left corner and the staple must touch the 2 sides in a perfect manner. This makes it easy for him to read of course as he is folding back the pages.  He also makes all corrections noted by highlighting the area with highlighters. He uses a different colored highlighter for each kind of mistake he finds. If we need to change punctuation, he highlights it in blue. If the error is with sentence structure, it is highlighted in orange,  if there is an area that is not backed up with proper references, then it is highlighted in yellow…etc. etc.  Post It notes are considered taboo as they can get lost and could refer to more than one area of our reports. Pen’s are only allowed to be Black as blue is too bright for him to read. Pencils are to always be kept sharpened prior to the start of your day as noise carries over our cubicles and the sound of electric sharpeners annoy him.

Do you see where we are coming from here? This is our everyday life at work. We want a silent revenge. Any ideas?

Tried Trio

Dear Tried Trio,

I could not help but chuckle when I read this post. I could not imagine having to walk on eggshells all day at work without going insane. I can understand protocols, and structure, but this sounds to be going over board for certain.  Lucky for you, I do have a few funny pranks that can be pulled on him.

1. Empty all of his staples and replace them with colorful ones instead, a nice shade of pink should be sufficient.

2.  Replace all of  the colored highlighters with matching Colored Pencils instead.

3.  Break the tips off all of his pencils when he leaves to lunch, forcing him to have to use the sharpener himself.

4. The next time he is absent, leave him post it notes all over his cubicle for any and every little thing you can think of.

5. Try rearranging all of desk items one morning before he comes in. Place trays on the left side to the right side, anything on the right side over to the left side.

6.  Work together to come up with a day when everyone will staple their papers out of order. Just always have the first and last pages correct, but misplace 1 or so in the center.

7. Place an ad in the local paper or through a call in radio station advertising his car for sale at a ridiculously low cost. Give them his cell phone / direct work number and tell them to call him between your work hours. This could of course have been an “Honest” mistake by someone and nothing to do with you. It would be fun listening to him say that they have the wrong number all day long.

These are several pranks that I think will make him become annoyed to say the least. Please let me know how everything goes!

Always,

Marsha

Our little Chihuahua begging our sweet Bullmastiff

not to eat her. They are both so adorable.

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Always Marsha

Dear Marsha,

I have been dating a man for a year and 6 months now. He is very funny and passionate about life. There are a lot of things I like about him, but there a few things about him that makes me feel as though our relationship will not be able to last over time. He is 28 and and I’m 21. He is constantly talking about marriage and children. I often try to avoid the discussion altogether because I know that I am truly not ready to go through with such a major change any time soon. He does not put out the effort to spend quality time with me and is also quite cheap which are some of the main reasons why I cannot see myself marrying him. I see him twice a week at most and we usually end up staying in, instead of going out to dinner or doing activities I love. Finally, he  expects me to be supportive of all his interests even though he is rather indifferent to mine. I have discussed my issues with him on several occasions to no avail. At times he does change but the change is never permanent, as he always ends up reverting back to his old ways. What should I do? Please help

Lily

Dear Lily,

The first thought coming to mind while reading your post was that he is 28 years old and probably ready to settle down while you are 21 and still experiencing life in a youthful passion.  He is demonstrating a mature, older fashioned style of a relationship by choosing to stay indoors, and you are probably still looking for a good time out on the town with him and your friends. Staying indoors is quality time at its finest. During this time, you are both getting to know each other on a personal level and should be able to see each others true selves.

Going out on a regular basis can become very costly, and if he is concerned about saving money, then that is probably something he is not willing to do, but to please you, he may try it a time or two.  My guess is that if he is saving money, he is doing so in hopes of one day soon having a wife to love and starting a family, with the ability to be financially secure. In today’s economy, it is not a bad thing at all to be tight with your money and to save what you can.  You never know when you may come into a financial situation and all the money you saved will be there to help get you out of what could have been a potential crisis.

If you are finding that his interests and yours conflict with one another, and you are not ready to make a commitment to him, then maybe you should start asking yourself if you are wasting his time and yours.

Always,

Marsha

A lovely flower garden next to the house.

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Always Marsha

Dear Marsha,

Almost a year ago now, I met an absolutely amazing guy online. As I am fully aware of some of the more sinister characters on the Internet who try to earn your trust for dishonest reasons, I was rather wary at first when he admitted that he liked me, but after a while I accepted that he really is who he said he was, and since then we’ve had a wonderful relationship that has greatly enhanced both of our lives, even though we live in different countries and neither of us has had the chance to visit in person as of yet. I am extremely shy and quiet at all times and have a fear of being judged by other people, and only average-looking, so talking to guys, never mind dating, has always been difficult if not impossible for me. I use Internet message boards as a way of expressing who I really am, and I suppose that’s why my now-boyfriend was attracted to me. The only problem is the fact that I am 18 (he is 19) and still living at my parents’ house with no chance of moving out in sight. I would be fine with this if not for the fact that they have a strong bias towards online dating and communication with “strangers” over the Internet in general. They’ve done as well as can be expected from any parent for me, but we do not have much in common, and so I spend most of my time in my room talking to him and doing homework and such.

This has caused them to grow increasingly “concerned” (AKA nosy) about what I’m doing on the computer, and have tried on many occasions to worm the truth out of me. I am not sure how they would react if I told them about my boyfriend, but my greatest fear is the possibility that they may forbid me from going on the Internet at all and subsequently take away my one connection with the one I love and my way to express my true self. However, I also feel that if I don’t tell them, they will eventually find out what I’m doing by force and without my consent and perhaps get me in even more trouble. Leaving him is not even close to an option, I love him more than I thought it was possible to love another human being, and do not want to lose that. What should I do about the situation with my parents?

-Treading a Fine Line

Dear Treading a Fine Line,

In today’s time of technology, online dating is gaining more and more popularity.  In fact, in the year 2008, 120,000 marriages came from online dating.  This is becoming increasingly more acceptable as a form of building solid relationships.

Your parents do have a right to be concerned for your safety, but would they have had the same concerns if you were to have a pen pal from another another country that you would exchange letters with?  This is after all more of the kind of communication that they are familiar and perhaps more comfortable with.  I remember my high school giving us pen pals from other countries when I was 16.  There was no harm in writing someone of the opposite sex was there?

Today is really not much different online.  You still have to write one another and are free to express your feelings and/or emotions through letters or in messengers. The biggest difference is the immediate ability to respond back to one another.  No longer do you have to wait a month for a return letter.

As I have said many times, the foundation of any relationship is communication.  If any couple is able to freely communicate with one another, then all other obstacles will have an outlet through this ability.

I admire your respect for your parents and your desire to do what is right, despite the fact that you are 18 yrs. old and could do as you please. You are living under your parents roof, and should abide by their wishes, and you have shown that you are trying. Coming forth is a good option.

You do  not have to tell your parents that you are “Interested” in this guy, just simply tell them that you have an online pen pal that you talk to on a regular basis. Try telling them things about his country and how it differs to yours.  Make it sound like everything is a learning experience.  Then once they become comfortable with you talking to this guy, slowly tell them of  your feelings for him. Let the situation grow on them just as this guy has on you.

Always,

Marsha

Lifetime friends sitting on a wooden bridge eating lunch.

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Always

Marsha