Dear Marsha,

I met my best friend in high school. We got along like sisters. But my friend made lots of poor choices. She had her first 3 kids while we were still teenagers. She drank heavily, had abusive relationships, was promiscuous, etc.

When my friend had her fifth child, I agreed to move in with her and her newest husband to help care for the kids.

It was a bad idea. They were always angry with me, wanting me to watch the kids longer hours, keep the house cleaner, train the dogs better, etc. They blamed me for everything that went wrong with their house and their kids. Their children were allowed to do anything they wanted and have anything they wanted. When I tried to discipline them, I was in trouble. But when the children misbehaved, I was also in trouble!

When their dog had puppies, they gave me one… but then would torture me by yelling at and hitting the puppy, locking it in the cage for days, threatening to take it to the pound, etc.

I stayed mostly because I was very attached to the children. I stayed for a little over 3 years. At first they were paying me, but after the first year they said they couldn’t afford to pay me anymore. But I still wanted to be with the kids… I wanted to give them something positive in their life.

I moved out last month. After I moved out, they became very angry and accused me of stealing from them. They made nasty phone calls to me, posted things on my Facebook, and otherwise torrmented me however they could. I did everything I could to cut them out of my life, even though it meant I’d never see the children again.

The problem is I’ve been having nightmares. Every night I dream about them. Many of my dreams involve my former friend not allowing me to leave her house, or trying to take my puppy away. I also dream about the kids a lot. I wake up sad or frightened, every morning.

I feel like they are still controlling me, even though I no longer live with them or see them. I miss the children and I feel guilty about abandoning them… I loved them like my own, especially the baby, whom I raised since birth. But I want NOTHING to do with my former friends.

How can I get these people out of my head????!!!

Dear How can I get these people out of my head????!!!,

You have already taken the first step of recovery by removing yourself away from this so called friend and by having nothing to do with them. You need to remember and tell yourself that you are not the bad guy! You are clearly the victim in this situation. Look into the mirror and tell yourself daily that you did everything you could to the best of your ability and left because you HAD to! It was a very unhealthy situation for you to be in.

You must realize that you can not control your so called friend any more than you can control the weather. She must be responsible for her own actions no matter how poor they may be. It sounds as if this “friend” needed you to move in because she wanted to have a little more freedom and not be so locked down with 5 children. Most likely she took advantage of you in various ways by having you to be at their beckoning call every time that it was convenient for them. It was probably easy for them to make use of you so easily because you wanted to do nice things for them in the beginning, but then they started to take you for granted and it escalated from there. Then when she realized you were gone, she was hurt. She was probably not hurt because her friend left, but because her life of ease that she had become accustomed to for the past 3 years suddenly came to an abrupt end. This could have caused her to pass on the facebook ridicules, threats, and harrassmentson to you so easliy. She had to have someone to blame other than herself.

This is still no excuse for their behavior toward you.

The nightmares are reoccurring because of the abuse you were put through. You witnessed and were a part of abuse on seemingly a daily basis. This can leave a mental scar on you for a very long time. You may consider seeking professional help for a long term healing process.

I know this situation has to be very hard on you. You love those children as your own, and this too could be a reason you are finding it hard to let go. You could be going through what is called  separation anxiety disorder.  Again, this is something to discuss with a professional that could diagnose you and give you a proper treatment plan.

Before bed, I would only allow myself to think of happy thoughts, positive moments in my life or during the day at hand. Hopefully the brighter aspects of your subconscious mind will shine through and your nightmares will be replaced with peaceful dreams instead.

Always,

Marsha

I am a fairly thick 22 year old woman.. Not big but not little but built in the right places…  I have a problem though trying to keep this figure… It seems that my stomach always feels empty, ever since I was about 10 I’ve had this problem.  I could go to an all you can eat buffet and two hours later I’m hungry again.. some refer to me as the bottomless pit b/c I don’t gain or lose.  I’m wondering if this may also be relevant due to the fact that I am very energetic.  I’m really perky all the time and use a lot of energy and I was wondering if this may be why I am always hungry… burning calories and having to replace them…   What do you think?

Empty Stomach

Dear Empty Stomach,

First and Foremost, I am not a Doctor nor do I plan for my reply to replace medical knowledge in any way.

Having a high metabolism could be a possibility for the lack of weight gain and the feeling of hunger.  If you have a high metabolism, then chances are you are more active.

Some persons with a high metabolism will constantly be in motion from tapping a pencil on the table, or rocking their foot when in a resting position.  It seems as if they are unable to sit or stand completely motionless for any period of time.

You could also have hunger pangs shortly after you eat if you did not have a balanced meal.  For instance, if you eat a lot of carbohydrates, you may feel hungry again sooner than you would if you would have ate more proteins with your meal.

If you find that this is causing an issue with you being able to maintain your figure, or you are afraid of weight gain possibly catching up with you, then you may wish to cut your meals in half.  You could eat 6 smaller meals a day instead of 3 regular sized ones.  Make sure that your meals are well balanced following the food group pyramids. This should help by cutting out your urges for snacks throughout the day to curb your hunger.

If  you have had this issue since you were 10 years old, then I would surely try to seek professional medical advice before all other advice or opinions given.

Always,

Marsha

2010

Many people like to make resolutions with themselves for the New Year.  Some will vow to try to lose weight, stop smoking, or visit the doctor more regularly.  Others will vow to attend church more regularly, to stop cursing, or to go out more to meet new people.

I, myself, have made the resolution to learn to be more appreciative for all of the wonderful things I do have, instead of focusing on all of the things I “wish” I had.

At one point or another we always seem to find ourselves saying “I wish we had ______” or “We need to have _______” but how many times do we actually say “Thank you lord for providing me with ________ just so I am able to do _______ on a daily basis”

I don’t care how minuscule it may be, I am going to try to be thankful for it and if possible to think of where I would be if I didn’t have it at all.

If you made a resolution and would like to share it with us, please leave a comment below.

Always,

Marsha

We here at

Always Marsha

would like to wish everyone a

Very Merry Christmas!

I am blessed to come from a close knit family, and that makes for really special holidays.  When your family comes together under one roof for any get together, it should be considered a blessing.  Life is precious, and we need to embrace these moments that will one day become a mere memory of a loved one.

We have had a few holidays when not everyone was able to make it for a visit.  These holidays were not the same, but we did try to make the best of it.  We would always call our missing loved ones on that special day just to let them know we missed them and were thinking of them.  It was still really great just to hear their voices.

This year, make it a point to even go out of your way( if you need to) in order to call or visit your loved ones and to let them know just how much they really mean to you.

Christmas should not be based solely on who gives the most or the best gifts.

You are taking Christ out of Christmas when we let our focuses dwell on material items.

I would also like to encourage everyone to read the Birth Of Christ from the bible to their children or other family members. The account of Jesus’ birth can be found in Matthew 1:18 – 2:23 and Luke 2:1 – 24

I will now close with a poem I wrote many years ago.

I DREAM OF CHRISTMAS

I DREAM OF CHRISTMAS

AS BEING A SNOWY WHITE

WAKING IN THE MORNING

SEEING EVERYONE’S FACES SHINING BRIGHT

I SEE MOM, DAD,

MY SIBLINGS TOO

THE ONLY ONES MISSING

IS SANTA AND YOU!!!

© AlwaysMarsha

Dear Marsha,

My husband works during the day shift, and I am a stay at home mother of 2children both in school.  During the day while everyone is away I am finding it hard to do anything. So like when my husband gets home  he complains about me sitting around all day doing nothing. I don’t know what is wrong with me. It only seems to happen when it is cold outside. I don’t sit around all day, I sleep all day instead. I feel like I am so depressed for no real reason other than it being cold outside and I can’t go anywhere. My car is broke down, money is tight and Christmas is coming up. Since I don’t have a job I used some money to buy the kids gifts instead of fixing my car. Then if I want to go somewhere when my husband gets home he isn’t happy cause I haven’t done anything all day and he thinks I need to be home cleaning and cooking. I usually get it all done by the end of the night before bed but why can’t I get motivated during the day? Can cold weather do that to a person?

Winter Time Blues

Dear Winter Time Blues,

I strongly feel what you are going through is commonly referred to as “Cabin Fever”.  It is a form of seasonal depression.  Sometimes one can feel trapped inside their own home due to the cold weather and the shorter days, or bored of being at home all alone.   Symptoms of Cabin Fever can include excessive sleeping, irritability, forgetfulness, and urges to go outside even in the bad weather.  There are other symptoms as well that can be associated with Cabin Fever, but I think those sum your situation up well.

There are several ways that you can try to beat the winter time blues:

#1.  Take a multivitamin daily that contains Vitamin D-3.  Vitamin D is created by the sun’s rays on the skin, and therefore declines during the winter months.  Although studies on the effect of vitamin D supplements on seasonal depression have come up with varied results a good multivitamin can help boost our energy levels.

#2. Remember to eat. When one is depressed, they tend to forget to eat.  You must remember to have 3 meals a day.  Making breakfast and lunch for yourself can easily be overlooked, especially if you sleep right through it.  A complete and balanced diet can make the world of difference in how we feel each day.

#3.  Raise those blinds or open your curtains as early in the morning as possible. By letting sunshine in as soon as it rises, it helps you to feel as if the days are longer.  It allows you to maximize your daylight hours.

#4.  Find A Hobby. During the winter months, I usually find a craft to do that I enjoy.  You can paint ceramics, make ornaments, piece together scrapbooks, sew, knit, paint, or anything that will keep you occupied during the day.  I would not suggest long projects at first, because often we get discouraged that it is taking too long to finish.  Start with something small, that way you will feel proud when your project is complete.  This feeling keeps you wanting to do another.

*Another hint would be to do your hobby in the kitchen because you will find that you need or want to clean up before you start your hobby.  You wouldn’t want anything to spill on or foil your projects supplies.  Also being in the kitchen allows you to cook as you are working.

#5.  Take up an outdoors activity. By bundling up and going outdoors, you will not feel so trapped on the inside of your home.  You can join winter activities with your children as well if you like such as ice skating, tubing, sledding, or skiing.  If you prefer to do something alone and while they are away, you can do activities such as winter photography, nature observation, and perhaps making feeding areas in your backyard where you can feel obligated to go outdoors daily to give the wildlife around you their daily food.

#6. Exercise. Each morning when you wake up and before you have your first cup of coffee, do a few exercises.  Keep them simple at first.  I, myself,  only do 10 of each in sit ups, jumping jacks, arm rolls, toe touches, and a few stretches.  You will be amazed at how much better this makes you feel and it really does seem to wake you up.  After a few months, you should also start to see and feel a difference in your muscle tone as well.

#7. Play cheerful music. Simply playing music that you enjoy on a radio or cd player can help pick up your spirits.  You may find that you begin singing and/or dancing right along to the beat as you are cleaning.  You can play any music you choose because no one is there to ask what in the world you are listening to or begging you to turn it off.  Playing music also keeps the house from being too quiet which makes us feel as if we want to go back to sleep.  I also avoid television as I find that I want to sit and watch it too much instead of making use of my day.

#8. See A Doctor. If you find that nothing is seemingly working for you, then perhaps you should see a family doctor.  He/She may decide to prescribe an antidepressant that may aide in your battle of depression.  There is no shame in using an artificial aide.  After all, isn’t that what all medications are?

I would lastly like to suggest that you share what is going on with you to your husband.  Let him know that this is a real and valid issue and tell him that you are going to try to work with it but would like to ask him for his support as well.  Don’t be afraid to show him what we have written.  You can also look up Cabin Fever online to get more information for yourself and him.

Always,

Marsha

HAPPY 4th of JULY

While most everyone in the USA celebrates our Independence Day on the  4th of July in one way or another, it is most known for Firework Celebrations and Parties.

Always Marsha would like to remind you to KEEP SAFE this Holiday Weekend.

IF YOU DRINK, DON’T DRIVE!

ALWAYS WEAR YOUR SEAT BELT!

JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS!

And Remember to

HAVE FUN ! ! !

I was wondering if you could tell me the main differences between Whole, 2%, 1%, and Skim or Nonfat Milks.

Thanks,

Milk Matters

Dear Milk Matters,

After doing some research, I have discovered the following information that I hope will answer your question.

1 Cup (8oz) Serving breaks down as follows:

Whole Milk (3.25% Fat)      149 Calories     7.7 g Fat     291 mg Calcium

2%  Reduced Fat Milk     121 Calories     4.4 g Fat     296 mg Calcium

1%  Low Fat Milk     104 Calories     2.2 g Fat     312 mg Calcium

Skim or Nonfat Milk     90 Calories     0.5 g Fat     316 mg Calcium

SOURCE: USDA Nutrient Database for Standard Reference

Whole Milk has a rich and creamy texture as it has the most fat content. As you decrease the fat content, you also decrease the richness and creaminess of its taste.

I also saw that Low fat and skim milk are fortified with Vitamins A & D, but have the same nutritional value as Whole Milk with fewer calories and less cholesterol.

You can also find additional information and nutritional values about milk from the following sites:

http://www.innovatewithdairy.com/InnovateWithDairy/Articles/IF_Facts_Milk_062905.htm

http://www.dairycouncilofca.org/Educators/MobileDairy/PDFs/Milk_facts.pdf

Always,
Marsha