Dear Marsha,
I have an issue with respecting the people that I love the most. I seem to take out my frustrations on them, almost unconsciously. I don’t lash out at them, but more of just an arrogant, short, demeaning tone. This also includes mood changes toward them in certain circumstances and sometimes coming off defensive. I often believe that I do these things when I find myself uncomfortable in a situation. None the less, this isn’t a good characteristic to display, especially toward the ones you love the most. I’ve tried to pay attention to detail and notice when I’m doing it but for some reason I overlook it. Could you help me with some suggestions for things that I can do to resolve this. Thank you so much.
Nikki
Dear Nikki,
Sometimes we tend to act on an impulsive behavior rather than giving it a conscience thought. Even as adults we sometimes need to discipline ourselves in different aspects of our lives that we know are incorrect or in the need of improvement. There is nothing shameful in self discipline and we do it to strengthen us spiritually, physically, and/or mentally.
I would suggest tying a bold ribbon around your wrist every morning. A constant reminder to show love and compassion rather than acting out impulsively. You can find many colored ribbons and charms to use that will match your fashion decor of the day. When ever you are around your loved ones, look at your bracelet and let it be a constant reminder as to why you are wearing it.
Another suggestion would be to use a money jar just as we have done for cursing or swearing. When ever you find yourself saying something demeaning or negative, place a specified amount into the jar each time. Sooner or later, your wallet is going to feel the pinch and it will hopefully cause you to be a little more alert.
If you have not already done so, talk to your family, friends, and loved ones about your issue. Do something special for them, and let them know that they are loved and tell them that you do not wish to be like this toward them. I am sure that they will be more than willing to help you out in any way they can.
This is also something you may wish to discuss with your family Dr. about. Perhaps the stress is a little over bearing for you and he may know of something to aid in this behavior.
You have already made the biggest step of your healing process, and that is to recognize and admit you have a problem. Now you must act upon correcting it. Talk to God. He can and will walk us through all of life’s difficult times.
Always,
Marsha
I don’t think you are alone in this Nikki. Many other people out there have done the same things to their families, and have felt just as bad about it as you do. I can not tell you how many times I have lashed out at my husband in a way that I would never do to anyone else. It sometimes seems like we treat strangers with a greater respect than those who mean the world to us. I think a good start would be for you to apologize to the people you have done this to. They’ll appreciate your honesty and recognition to the fact that you know this is happening, and deeply regret it. Let them know you are making a concerted effort to be more positive and supportive. You’ll be so surprised at their graciousness, they’ll make the transition for you much easier, and be there to help catch you on the days/times when you might falter.