Dear Lily

Dear Marsha,

I have been dating a man for a year and 6 months now. He is very funny and passionate about life. There are a lot of things I like about him, but there a few things about him that makes me feel as though our relationship will not be able to last over time. He is 28 and and I’m 21. He is constantly talking about marriage and children. I often try to avoid the discussion altogether because I know that I am truly not ready to go through with such a major change any time soon. He does not put out the effort to spend quality time with me and is also quite cheap which are some of the main reasons why I cannot see myself marrying him. I see him twice a week at most and we usually end up staying in, instead of going out to dinner or doing activities I love. Finally, he  expects me to be supportive of all his interests even though he is rather indifferent to mine. I have discussed my issues with him on several occasions to no avail. At times he does change but the change is never permanent, as he always ends up reverting back to his old ways. What should I do? Please help

Lily

Dear Lily,

The first thought coming to mind while reading your post was that he is 28 years old and probably ready to settle down while you are 21 and still experiencing life in a youthful passion.  He is demonstrating a mature, older fashioned style of a relationship by choosing to stay indoors, and you are probably still looking for a good time out on the town with him and your friends. Staying indoors is quality time at its finest. During this time, you are both getting to know each other on a personal level and should be able to see each others true selves.

Going out on a regular basis can become very costly, and if he is concerned about saving money, then that is probably something he is not willing to do, but to please you, he may try it a time or two.  My guess is that if he is saving money, he is doing so in hopes of one day soon having a wife to love and starting a family, with the ability to be financially secure. In today’s economy, it is not a bad thing at all to be tight with your money and to save what you can.  You never know when you may come into a financial situation and all the money you saved will be there to help get you out of what could have been a potential crisis.

If you are finding that his interests and yours conflict with one another, and you are not ready to make a commitment to him, then maybe you should start asking yourself if you are wasting his time and yours.

Always,

Marsha