Dear Marsha,
My husband and I have ran into some difficult times with the economy, my husband was laid off and right when his unemployment benefits ran out I lost my job, we were both out of work for about two months. My mother helped us out with all of our bills, (as best as she could, which is more than we wanted) until we were both employed. We are still in the phase of “catching up” but we are slowly on our way to getting our finances under control.
Our cell phones are under my sister in laws’ account. This month we are going to be two weeks late paying our portion of the cell phone bill, we called the phone company and let them know when we would be able to pay the bill and we tried to call my sister in-law but she never answered her phone or returned our calls.
So a couple of days ago she went on Facebook and made a post about how “we are choosing not to pay our bill and expect her to pay it for us” and stated that we didn’t even provide her the courtesy of a phone call, all on a public post on facebook, for all of our family and friends to see.
We have tried to call her two times per day since she made the post (and continues to post) and she never answers or returns our calls.
I completely understand why she is upset and I would be too, but I feel that it is completely tasteless for her to post all of this information on facebook, I’m not really sure how to proceed with this, I think that the only way she will reply is if I respond to her nasty posts on facebook, but I do not want to participate in a public facebook fight, we care about our relationship with her and at this point we are not sure how to respond to her especially when she won’t respond to us. We haven’t seen her in two years and are going to see her next month, I don’t want for us to be so mad at each other that it is a miserable trip, but at the same time, I don’t want to just apologize to her especially because she’s put all of this on facebook. Any suggestions on how to proceed in a tasteful manner?
Thanks!
Tasteful Manner
Dear Tasteful Manner,
Your sister-n-law has shown great immaturity by going the lengths of posting anything of such nature in a public area. This sort of business especially between family should be dealt with from the inside. It turns my stomach with the way some people act. They obviously do not take the time to consider what it would be like or how they would feel if the shoe was on the other foot.
I admire you for wanting to be tasteful about this situation. You have been through rough times already and this adding to the stress you have felt must be tiring and aggravating to say the least. You did the right thing by contacting the phone company and explaining the situation. I am sure the phone company however, did not call your sister to let her know of any arrangements being made.
You could write something simple in response to her rude comments on Facebook… Something such as “I will pray for you sister” and leave it at that. If she is not responding to any phone calls, there really is not much you can do. You have left messages, and I am sure she has received them but chooses not to listen or care.
There is also the Killing With Kindness Act that I like. Go out of your way and send her a Thank You card or letter through the mail. Thank her for helping you and your husband out during these trying times and let her know you appreciate her generosity in allowing you to have cell phones in her name. Thank her for being family and tell her how much you look forward to visiting them. You do not have to apologize to her at all, just thank her. This should give her a feeling of guilt to say the least. This may make her stop to think before she acts/types painful words again for the world to see.
Always,
Marsha
Tags: -N-Law, Bills, Call, Comment, Facebook, Family, Finances, late, manner, Phone, post, Public, Rude, Sister, tasteful, Thank You
Tasteful Manner
My husband and I have ran into some difficult times with the economy, my husband was laid off and right when his unemployment benefits ran out I lost my job, we were both out of work for about two months. My mother helped us out with all of our bills, (as best as she could, which is more than we wanted) until we were both employed. We are still in the phase of “catching up” but we are slowly on our way to getting our finances under control.
Our cell phones are under my sister in laws’ account. This month we are going to be two weeks late paying our portion of the cell phone bill, we called the phone company and let them know when we would be able to pay the bill and we tried to call my sister in-law but she never answered her phone or returned our calls.
So a couple of days ago she went on Facebook and made a post about how “we are choosing not to pay our bill and expect her to pay it for us” and stated that we didn’t even provide her the courtesy of a phone call, all on a public post on facebook, for all of our family and friends to see.
We have tried to call her two times per day since she made the post (and continues to post) and she never answers or returns our calls.
I completely understand why she is upset and I would be too, but I feel that it is completely tasteless for her to post all of this information on facebook, I’m not really sure how to proceed with this, I think that the only way she will reply is if I respond to her nasty posts on facebook, but I do not want to participate in a public facebook fight, we care about our relationship with her and at this point we are not sure how to respond to her especially when she won’t respond to us. We haven’t seen her in two years and are going to see her next month, I don’t want for us to be so mad at each other that it is a miserable trip, but at the same time, I don’t want to just apologize to her especially because she’s put all of this on facebook. Any suggestions on how to proceed in a tasteful manner?
Thanks!
Tasteful Manner
Dear Tasteful Manner,
Your sister-n-law has shown great immaturity by going the lengths of posting anything of such nature in a public area. This sort of business especially between family should be dealt with from the inside. It turns my stomach with the way some people act. They obviously do not take the time to consider what it would be like or how they would feel if the shoe was on the other foot.
I admire you for wanting to be tasteful about this situation. You have been through rough times already and this adding to the stress you have felt must be tiring and aggravating to say the least. You did the right thing by contacting the phone company and explaining the situation. I am sure the phone company however, did not call your sister to let her know of any arrangements being made.
You could write something simple in response to her rude comments on Facebook… Something such as “I will pray for you sister” and leave it at that. If she is not responding to any phone calls, there really is not much you can do. You have left messages, and I am sure she has received them but chooses not to listen or care.
There is also the Killing With Kindness Act that I like. Go out of your way and send her a Thank You card or letter through the mail. Thank her for helping you and your husband out during these trying times and let her know you appreciate her generosity in allowing you to have cell phones in her name. Thank her for being family and tell her how much you look forward to visiting them. You do not have to apologize to her at all, just thank her. This should give her a feeling of guilt to say the least. This may make her stop to think before she acts/types painful words again for the world to see.
Always,
Marsha
Tags: -N-Law, Bills, Call, Comment, Facebook, Family, Finances, late, manner, Phone, post, Public, Rude, Sister, tasteful, Thank You