Dear Marsha,
My husband and I were married in June of this year. I am so very thankful for him and our marriage is still strong. I have never been married before, and I was raised by a single mother myself. I have a question that is really bothering me and I was wondering if you can help.
See, my mother is all alone in the state we live in. I have an older brother, but he hardly ever comes to visit us. My husband said that since we spent Thanksgiving here with her, then we must go visit his family at Christmas. He did not tell me that this was the situation at Thanksgiving, or else I may have chose to spend Thanksgiving at his parents place and Christmas at mine. I can’t stomach leaving my mother alone at Christmas.
What can I do? I know my husband wants to spend time with his family too, but they live in the state next to us and it takes 8 hours to get there. I don’t want my mom to feel all alone and left out.
Christmas Alone
Dear Christmas Alone,
Holidays are meant to be spent with family and friends. It is important that you and your husband do spend time with his family as well as with yours. I understand your concerns, and know how important your mother is to you. You show that you truly love and respect her by wanting to include her.
With that being said I have 3 options and I feel that either of these 3 will hlep you to not be so blue over Christmas.
#1. Ask your husband to ask his parents if it is ok to bring your mother with you. It is after all the holiday season, and people are more open with their hearts and homes during this time of year. I do not see where this should be a problem at all.
#2. Call your brother and ask him to please come and spend Christmas with your mother while you are away at your -n- laws. Tell him that you do not wish for her to be alone during this fragile time and that she misses him dearly and this is the perfect opportunity for a visit.
#3. Maybe your husband would be willing for you both to spend part of Christmas Eve with your mother, and then travel on to his parents late that evening.
What ever option you choose, just be open with your feelings and be certain to inform your mother of the possibilities in advance.
With most all marriages, holidays are to be shared between parents and family members on both sides. Perhaps next year you could host the Christmas and/or Thanksgiving get together(s) at your home to invite everyone from both sides.
No one deserves to be left out totally, and I do not think that this is your husbands intent. Try to cheer up, there is a resolution out there for you all to be happy with.
Always,
Marsha
