Dear Marsha,
My son has recently found a new group of kids to hang out with. This group of boys are very bad influences on him. When my son was arrested last week for stealing, I asked him what was he thinking. He reply was that they dared him to. I do not think these so called friends are a part of a gang, but it does worry me because their actions are not well intended by far.
My son was always well behaved, and made great grades in school. It has only been this summer that he has started to act out. I have tried talking to him about his actions and the consequences that could occur, but I just get a shrug of his shoulders. He is 14, going on 24 in his eyes. I can not get through to him. I need serious help and fast.
What would you do?
A Concerned Mother
Dear Concerned Mother,
I agree something needs to be done about his actions. You also need to regain the reigns on him as soon as possible. If he is not listening to your advice, then it is time to become more stearn and show a little Tough Love.
Seeing as to how he has already been arrested for theft, you should be able to contact your local authorities office and ask if they have a program for unruly children to be “Scared Straight”. This is where the officer will show up at your residence, his school, or any designated time and place to actually place handcuffs on him, take him in to be arrested, and give him a hard core tour of the jail or prison. They will talk stern to him and ask if this is the life he wants to persue. Sometimes they even let prisoners talk to your son or daughter to explain their story and what ended them up in the prison. I have even heard of programs that allow your child to spend the night in the jail or prison to see what it would be like to live as a prisoner, and to witness this life up front and personal.
I would suggest that you do not allow him to tell you “NO” about hanging out with his friends. He is still young enough that he must start to show respect toward your wishes. You must tell yourself that no matter how bad he hurts your feelings by calling you names, or saying he hates you, that you ultimately have his best of interest at heart and will not back down from your rules. Maybe you could enroll him in a program or sport that would occupy his free time . Try to find something he likes and would enjoy. The local YMCA would be a great place to start. Doing this would hopefully bring him closer to others his age with a common interest.
You may also consider family therepy to get to the depths of his underlying reasons on why he wishes to hang out with those so called friends in the first place. Sometimes our actions are from something that is bothering us on the inside.
Lastly, I would advice for you to spend as much quality time with your son as possible. Lead by example. Show him you love him and want to be a part of his life in a positive way. You could designate a game night, a movie night, or dinner night. The choices are endless. Showing your son that you enjoy his company and wish to be an active part of his life should bring out positive changes.
Always,
Marsha
I agree with Marsha :O especially on being a part of his life, who doesn’t love a fun mom
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