Miss Molly Moo Cow seems to have been digging
in the mud with her snout.
Photograph taken by:
Z. Howard

Marsha,

About a year or so ago, my husband of over 25 years met a woman (we’ll call her, Jackie, not her real name) online at a game/chat website. She is 11 years younger than him and has told him she is having 3 longterm affairs while currently married for 14 years. He played several games with her. Then they started exchanging emails, then instant messages. He would spend hours messaging her online while I was waiting for him to come to bed. I was uneasy about this friendship but believed and trusted my husband that this was all there was to it, friendship. Then they were calling each other and texting. He even texted her “Wish you were here” when we were on a date. I was mortified to find a 2 hour cell phone call in the middle of his work morning. I then checked his emails and found several that were XXX rated from her. I know some people may feel this was an invasion of his privacy but we have always been open to reading each others mail and going through wallets, if necessary.

I confronted him and he still claimed she was a “Good friend”. I was so furious that I told him to choose between us. He said he wouldn’t give her up. After several hours of reasoning with myself, I decided not to give up on us but drive her out of our relationship. I worked very hard to try to act like I did when we were 20 years old. It was horrid. I was wondering if & when he was talking to her. I wondered if he was thinking about her when we were intimate. I tried to explain my feelings to him so he would understand how hurt and devastated I was. He deleted her emails. Then he stopped calling her and texting. She tried to contact me to let the relationship continue. Then he said he had blocked her from instant messaging and emailing him.

So all should have been well with the world. But then he lost his job and has been home for quite a while looking for work online. He has told me that he hasn’t been in touch with her, but I have discovered that he has added her back into his email and messaging contacts, and I have seen a couple new emails. He has special terms of endearment for her and told her to “know that you are constantly on my mind.” I see this as an emotional affair, he does not agree. What can I do? What should I do? This is the first time in our marriage that he seems more interested in another woman than with me. He professes his love for me, then talks (or more) to her on the side…

Devastated

(more)

Dear Marsha,

2 Years ago,  my ex and I parted ways.  It was tough, but we both went on with our separate lives.  2 weeks ago we bumped into each other at a pet store. He asked for my cell number and I gave it to him thinking it wouldn’t be anything more than just catching up. We talked at this store for what seemed like an hour or longer. We seemed to just pick up from where we left off as if nothing ever happened between us.

My family and friends think I am crazy for giving him my number and wanting to regain connections. They tell me that he is of my past and I should let him go.  On the other hand they say it is my choice and I have to be the one to make decisions for myself.  Why are they so contradicting? Why do they care who I talk to?

Must Closed Doors Be Locked?

Dear Must Closed Doors Be Locked,

The most common saying that comes to mind is “An Ex Is An Ex For A Reason”

Without knowing the circumstances that caused the two of you to part ways 2 years ago, I would have to say that your family is simply giving you their advice because they care about your feelings and do not wish for you to get hurt or tangled into a situation that they feel you may not be happy in.  They may sound contradicting at times because they know ultimately it is your decision no matter what their personal thoughts and/or feelings may be.  They try to coax you in a direction they see best, yet respecting you enough to make your own decisions.

(more)